the artist in the ambulance

this was probably a waste of time cuz no one will respond haha

Sat, 11 Jul 2009 23:36:18 GMT

Well i haven't written in here for like a year. Jesus. Well, a lot has changed that is for sure. I might as well be a CA resident. Which is weird, i never though id call anywhere but VT home. It still is home for me. i dont call this hotel room i live in home, i call my room in chester home. speaking of which, im going to be home in august its starting to look like. before plane tickets were like $600 so i was like fuck that but now they're around 350 so that's much more manageable. i doubt anyone even reads this anymore but if anyone wants to hang out let me know for sure. there's alot of people i really want to see who i haven't seen in a long ass time. so let's get some lunch or some shizzit word? after that ill be home in christmas after an almost 3 month fall tour. then 3-4 weeks home then head automatica tour in the winter it's looking like.

let's see. what else is new. we signed to a new management company, Freeze management, who also manages story of the year, head automatica and another band i cant think of and oh yeah, us. they managed the used for about 10 years up until now as well. so they will hopefully be able to help us out alot in the coming couple of years. jim, who we have been friends with for the past year has become our official manager. he used to work at warner bros. records, and knows everyone there. and they know us. which is cool. we have yet to get free stuff, but one day i woke up and got an email telling me we were endorsed by macbeth. which is a shoe and clothing company run by tom delonge (blink 182.) so that's cool. we're also featured on this new website modlife, which is also run by tom. so he knows who i am. which is sick i cant wait to meet him. im trying to think of other updates. i dont really know. we've been in and out of band members, dealing with lazy assholes who didnt want to work for success. but now we are doing good with our current line up, we are all on the same page as far as the next record (which is 2 years away) and just the direction we want to go. musically and business wise. i've learned so much about the music business in the past year it's crazy. theres more to it than i would have ever imagined. it's all about who you know. and thankfully, we know people who know people. well ill stop ranting. maybe ill write in here again sometime in the next 6 months. i just wanted to let everyone know im doing well, hopefully on the road to success, and i miss all of you. more than anything in the world. and i think about the old days so much it's not even funny. a little too much. i feel like im the most nostalgic person in the world. im almost brought to tears sometimes thinking about days and times id like to relive, knowing i never will be able too. well that's it for me today. this was probably a waste of time cuz no one will respond haha

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 19:20:12 GMT

back in cali...i miss her so much. that was by far the hardest goodbye ever. harder than last time cuz the time we had together was so short. not even a week, after being gone 6 and a half. and yesterday i left not even knowing when i was going to see her next, and then found out that i will again be in the homeland from the 23rd of september to the 1st of october..which was amazing news. and then most likely again on tour in late october. i was very happy to hear that. really really happy.

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 01:01:54 GMT

im so fucking scared to move to california it's not even funny. i dont know what im going to do. ive been freaking out on the inside for weeks. and now that it closes in when everyday goes by i know im that much closer. im scared of change. absolutely petrified.

wdfewrgwegsdfgwrhtghwrtghfsdfsdfgewr

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 20:36:43 GMT

i really enjoy having life mostly figured out. it's a good feeling.

and feeling love and happiness is awesome

and so is california kush. im in love all over again.

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 20:43:18 GMT

this time of year has crazy nostalgia. like goddamn. it's weird not being in school when it's this type of weather. and leaving when it's so nice out and skipping school. fuuuuck.

whatever. everything else is fucking awesome so i wont be thinking about it for long

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 21:12:17 GMT

as much as im not getting too much closer to figuring out life, im really fucking happy right now. ive needed this mutual feeling for awhile, and it's better than 100 christmas' now that it's there. yes indeed. hows life people? i havent talked to you livejournal people in forever

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 00:09:45 GMT

that was a quality new years :-) better than last year, my fifth wasnt dropped and broken! and considering i went to bed at like 6. well, sleep.

yo cam, i need my hat, it's in your car.

bacardi grand melon

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 15:09:39 GMT

wow i havent written in this for a long ass time. but i figured ill try and sum up 2007 in some sort of entry, which probably wont really be worth reading so if you dont care stop here...still there? cool dude! i love you. you can probably guess im a bit bored. coming into work in the morning is a weird feeling cuz i always work then afternoon/night shift. but whatev. anyways i got sidetracked. lets see what i did for 2007..

hmm, well january, i dont really remember what was going on. basically just the band and shit. and getting drunk and going to basketball games. bout it. febuary was england, and that was obviously pretty sweet though i didnt make the most of the trip, but i legally drank. which was cool of course. march, fuck you. you're unimportant. although the higher ground show was quite sick. one of the favorite shows ive ever played. fuck you too april. you're never fun besides april fools day, and i dont even think that was a school day last year. that was so gay!!! may, you were actually awesome. prom was sweet, passing out in the rain with jimmy and jack daniels probably wasnt the smartest idea, but it sure was fun. crazy parties the whole month. haha the night me and kayla had to go rescue people from the party that got busted at courtneys, and never even ended up picking anyone up cuz they were already fine. that was a fun night. and i found out about tour, and got psyyyched. june, graduation. and other things that i dont feel like writing about, but it was overall a good month. july, all tour. all good. no bad. i was happy. august, things tumbled. no more band. and i realized shit, this is what i was going to do after high school, now i cant. fuuuuuck. it was upsetting. people starting leaving, it wasnt the best time of my life. september, officially the saddest month of my life. i lost something, everyone was gone, i didnt start work til the end of the month so i basically had nothing to do but sit at my house everyday. it wasnt good..october was better, work kept me busy, but basically october and november were just chillin out with chuck and cam all the time, maybe drinking, MMMAAYBE smoking, but mostly we were good kids and just drank soda and watched movies. december, you've been pretty great. and im really happy with the way things are turning out with certain things. very happy. and they only got better as you came to a close. so 2007 was alot of ups and downs. but i guess im ready for 2008 and i know i wont really look at the world any differently but hey, why not pretend, just for a night, that ill do something or anything different, after today?

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 17:58:08 GMT

i love fucking up. it's my favorite

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 16:46:10 GMT

music is literally the only thing that makes me feel alive or even like a human being after everything that's happened. and there is no exaggeration in that statement

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 23:07:32 GMT

i haaaaaaate you daylights savings time. im so confused. sunset at 4:27?!?!?! what the fuck maaan. im just exhausted all the time now. im at work and im about to fall asleep. oh wait then some douche hispanic prick comes in. i dont like dealing with people who barely speak english. especially when they are rude. but there's been a star wars marathon all day on starz or something and me and josh and kelen had a massive remote control car battle. of course the hummer came out on top, but i wasnt too easy to catch with my little pink mini nissan. i was a fast motha fucka. oh work. it's too hard sometimes. but by the looks of it santa claus is coming in so i gotta peace out. maybe ill write something real soon.

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 22:01:18 GMT

id give so much thats' in my life to go back to that night. and i wish i could have stopped time, just for a little while, so i could have thought. because my poor judgement has now thrown two friendships out the door. and their own isnt even the same. and it's because of me. one of which i cant describe how much it kills me everyday to think about. and i cant ever stop thinking about it. i havent been this unhappy inside, in a long time. and it's starting to bother me.

anyways, i dont know where that suddenly came from. i hadnt written in here in a long time so i was like oh well ill write something. and that ended up coming out. whatev. life's not exciting. just work, just about everyday. but next weekend will be a good getaway. going to visit my brother cuz there's some big football game at his school, and apparently it's just tradition that everyone gets up early and gets completely hammered and goes. then ill probably nap and then get ready for some more crunking. looking forward to that shizzit. except i am going to be dead tired, cuz friday i work 9-7, then drive 5 hours to ithaca. but whatev im tough. then sunday thankfully i dont have to work so i can drive home, then sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. looking forward to it. anyways that's the end of this random entry

Sat, 13 Oct 2007 22:03:31 GMT

wow. new thrice is soooo good.

http://www.myspace.com/thrice

goddamn. tracks 7-12 are my personal faves, but they're all so good. especially 11. goddamnit. slap me twice and call me sally

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 17:04:15 GMT

i wish i didnt always think of the worst possible things that can happen

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 19:30:44 GMT

i went to the high school today, to visit mr renard, cuz i hadnt yet and that was my favorite class and i figured id go cuz i was in springfield anyways. and i went to the high school, and the whole time i was there i had the strangest feeling in my stomach. i walked through the school with danny and it was so weird. seeing people sitting in classes. in the library. looking in the cafeteria. i almost hated it. but i realized why i didnt go to school, i didnt because i thought id be able to hold on to my teenage years longer, but i realized i cant really. high school was too much of a big part to them. you dont hear about whats going on anymore, so you sit at home. and occasionally, go out, and that usually just ends up being hanging out in the plaza. but it's nice to see people i suppose. you go to work, get paid, and spend your money on car insurance. i hate this life im living.

i need another say hello to summer tour. i want my summer back, and almost every part of it. and there's only one thing that i wish could have been different about it. this time of the year last year up until august was the best time of my life, and i want it back. but i cant have it. and all i have to do now, is think about it. cool.

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 18:20:06 GMT

i dont like this

i meant what i said that day...

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 18:40:26 GMT

i want to go on tour again. and just disappear again. for a long time. im just unhappy, all the time. and i dont get it. i sort of wish i went to school, but there's a big reason i didnt. and more than one. i just dont know what to do anymore...i go to bed at night, wishing i was out with people, having fun. kinning season doesnt even appeal to me anymore..i dont feel like me anymore. i look back upon old things i have saved and i just realize im not what i was before. im not that happy kid. i want my senior year back..it was truly the only year of high school i truly loved. all the other years i jumped around too much. 7th grade, i dont remember, 8th grade, was fucked up. i felt depressed all the time, and it wasnt a great time. 9th grade, i started music, and then decided i didnt want to talk to my high school class for the rest of my life. 10th grade, music continued. and i dont really remember anything else. i still didnt feel like i belonged anywhere.. 11th grade, i finally fell into something i did feel like i belonged in. basically, springfield. i started meeting people, making new friends, and then before i knew it i knew everyone and everyone knew me. and some people i didnt even know knew me, which was weird. and it's still weird when people yell yo tom and i dont know their name. summer of 2006, was great. even if it was mostly narrowed down to walmart trips and becoming a klepto and going camping, it was still fucking great. good times. then senior year, was just great. but i look back, and it could have been better. and i look back and know everything i shouldve done and when. and i HATE myself for it. completely. and im still putting myself through it. then graduation weekend came. and then i started fucking everything up. again. and that weekend just replays in my mind everyday. literally, everyday. i just dont see how i didnt realize things.

alright im done bitching and moaning. if anyone even read that whole thing i love you more than i already most likely do. so let me know. cool.

i know now

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 17:52:51 GMT

i get very very sad when i look at the past (via old livejournals or logged aim convos, my computer saves them all, i know im a loser.) it just reminds me of so much more i shouldve done. and how much happier i could probably be. but most of all, how badly i fucked up...certain things. like, goddamnit. well ill see where life goes from here i guess.

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 00:54:44 GMT

well now i have a job. and something to do. and income. even though just like sitting at home i know ill just sit there and think about it. but at least i know what i want now. first time in a while...but i know

anyways people, come see me at radioshack. yeah, do it.

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 15:58:49 GMT

i had a dream i went to college. weird. im wondering if there's like, a good reason for the incredibly intensified amount of dreams ive had lately. like it's more than doubled. i swear everytime i even shut my eyes im dreaming while im awake. i sort of have a theory, but at the same time, i dont really know. i dont really know alot of things i wish i did. buuut one dream i think told me something i need to do, that i might take seriously. i dont know yet. ive always thought they have some sort of meaning, except crack dreams. like noooo way. (i think you know this, and also know who you are) like if im meant to run around with transformers one day, alright, cool. it means something. but i doubt it.

p.s. :-)

how long could you hang on to a word?

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 18:23:38 GMT

i miss my life. and i dont see anything getting any better. or this situation improving. normally id be positive, but there's not really anything positive to dwell on right now. i have never truly felt this alone. i shouldnt have relied on that..because clearly it's not going anywhere. i dont even look forward to things anymore. at least anything realistic. because ive realized, my life has been reduced to nothing. i guess i should just start really looking at schools...apparently the part of my life about having fun is over.

over...

Sat, 08 Sep 2007 20:18:37 GMT

I'd like to take this time to detach my jaw,
And really take a look.
I think that I'm done.
Put away this old guitar,
And on my way out,
Hang my vocal chords up on the door.

If I could just do these things
(If I could do these things)
If I could maybe do these things
Each and every day wouldn't pass
The way that they so often do
That they so often do
And maybe, just maybe.
Life would be everything we wanted it to be.

I could even peel the skin hiding my face
And ballroom dance with the cartilage of my nose
Just to show you how to really move

I'll show you how to really move

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 15:39:31 GMT

i wish i could be positive. but im just naturally scared now :-/ not without good reason though.

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 01:58:41 GMT

high school started today. im not there. and i wish i was. and i never thought id say it, nor be this upset by it.

and i never thought id be one to be homesick, but i am. and i cant wait to be home for good, and figure this out and hopefully, make it work. i would literally do anything, or give anything, for it to be easy

this is one of the worst and weirdest days of my life...goodbye summer. you were fucking amazing. and you're not even really over for me. and i hate that even more

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 04:05:44 GMT

this the worst point in my life ever. and i thought it was getting better, but it's not. im so close to tears its ridiculous